Post Open Heart Surgery : How I survived 3 Days in the ICU

Hey! HOW ARE YOU! ? I'm still here 😊. Ooo I missed blogging so much! Life happened as you know. A lot happened. I cannot anymore keep quiet as today is another new milestone in my life. 

This was me, 6 months ago. 

The photo was secretly taken by my sis (from the ICU window) coz picture taking is not allowed. That was the night after my open heart surgery last February 17, 2018. Hubby is only allowed to enter the ICU to feed me my meals. He needs to wear the whole costume with matching plastic shoes.
My eyes are misty, looking back at this photo.
When I woke up in that room, I had a breathing tube in my throat, IV lines in my neck and wrist, 2 chest tubes that drain blood from my wound, another tube to drain blood from my wrist, a urethral catheter and a 6-inch wound running down in the middle of my chest. These don't really hurt much, except when coughing and sneezing. Ooo Owemgee!!! What really hurt badly and constantly was my back. Maybe because I've been in the same lying position for hours but there's really no other comfortable position when you're completely hooked up and you have a fresh chest bone wound.
What were my thoughts during those times? 
The three days in ICU were probably the longest days of my life. I felt lonely whenever hubby leaves after the feeding times were done. (The breathing tube was removed 2 hours after I woke up and I was allowed to eat jelly at 10pm) I fought back my tears, the first time I saw my kids and my family outside the ICU. I tried to calm myself coz the first time hubby went to me in the ICU after the surgery, I had terrible arrhythmia. They gave me Amiodarone through the IV and my heart rate came back to normal after 10 minutes. And it stabilised completely after an hour. But I hated the side effects of that med. I felt so heavy like someone is pushing me down on the bed. This continued for the next 24 hours.
Although I didn't feel pain except for my back, and my chest when I move, seeing myself in that scenario, I had temptations to be in panic mode. There were temptations to be depressed.

Deep inside of me I was celebrating with joy the first time I learned that I survived the operation and the first time I saw my family outside the ICU. 
I am physically limited and my back feels sore. 
I felt lonely at times, I missed talking and holding my kids. 
The sound of the machines were stressing me. 
I have all these inside all together but I realised that I can't be too emotional during those times. 

Whenever the negative feelings start
bothering me, I try to psyche myself up and talk to the one whom I know is ever present with me at those times, who is our loving God. I tried to channel whatever energy I had to thinking that these shall all pass and I need to get out of the ICU the soonest. So I need to relax and kalma lang. 

The main thing that calmed me was the fact that I'm alive and the operation was successful.

That I have to continue to put on a brave face coz if I'm not going to be brave for myself, no one's going to be.

That God was with me from the start and He saved me. 

He fought for me so I have to fight for myself too. 

Walking-jogging 

And now 6 months after and moving forward, I can just look back and feel grateful again and again and again.

I'm forever thankful for the people who have supported us through prayers, time, thoughts, financial help and words of encouragement. I don't even know some of you personally but you decided to help. That's amazing!
You are all amazing! God bless your hearts.

I love you! God loves you!